The green, green grass of home

For those of you who often wonder if when I say I grew up in the middle of nowhere I really did, then take a look. Here is what the area I come from looks like. I say this because J always used to say "hmmm yes I too live in the middle of nowhere" then he came to visit and said "Oh My God, you really do live in the middle of nowhere". I presume middle of nowhere in America means more than 10 mins drive from a Burger King.

Other visitors have commented on the lack of streetlights to light your path when driving own the roads (you know who you are I'm not mentioning any names) - that's what those big lights on the front of your car are for! Others merely gaze in stunned silence at the sheer ability of grass to cover things which they have never noticed before.

Tis lambing season back home and the soft bleating echoes through the valleys. Em, this is what a lamb looks like by the way - remember our conversation in the cafe. I took this pic for you - these are the kind of rewards people get when they are an avid reader.

I shall put up pics and goss of my recent trips home and to London and Prague at a later date. Was nice to catch up with everyone. Is always good for me to double check everybody really is ok and happy and stuff, sometimes things change, others don't, seeing for myself that everyone is doing ok always makes me sleep better at night. And that is about as soft and squidgy as I will get. Those of you whom I didn't get to see I shall shove on top of the pile as a priority for first visit next time I come home, which in no way suggests that you were at the bottom this time round;) if everyone could just all live within a ten mile radius of Heathrow life would be dandy.

Moving on... so I arrived back in Bangkok last Wednesday just in time for SongKran. SongKran is Buddhist New Year and is celebrated by four days of water fights. This all sounds well and good and indeed is fun for a day but the novelty wears off quickly. Apparently, this year "sexy clothes" for women were banned and there was a brief ban on water guns. Water guns are not the problem. Buckets full of ice-cold water and talc are the things that are annoying.

When I say talc this is what I mean. You are plastered and it is hard to get off. Expecially when it dries and your face cracks. Does my head in.












The most popular activity aside fron soaking foreigners is driving around in the back of a truck and throwing water at people you drive past. It is insane.














Even the policemen can't escape!














In an effort to avoid maximum soaking I spent a lot of time in taxis. I wanted to take lots of photos but even the taxis get plastered with talc so you can't see through the window. Big talcy handprints all down the window and stuff it is really funny. the security guard got me though with a water gun and a big grin on his face. Nowhere, not even your own home is safe. I realy don't mind the guns because the water dries fast but there is nothing that will make you more miserable than a squelchy backside or "ooh my shorts are nearly dry" SPLASH - cue lots of cursing. Even in taxi I took clearly other soaked people had been in before me and I would get out wondering why my bum was damp! We ordered deliver pizza and I felt so sorry for the guy. His little cap was all white and he was soaking wet, mumbling at me while he dug out the change from several ziplock food bags he had to keep it in to keep it dry! I hope he was on double time is all I can say.

We did finally go and buy a telly. Shopping centres are the only safe haven for those needing a little rest from the onslaught. The one the landlord gave us had a habi of beding the image and then swtincing itself off ramdomly ever ten minutes fro no apparent reason. the landlord wouldn't believe us that it was borken because when he switche it on it came on so he couldn't see the problem! Anyway, they are cheap here and we splashed out (pardon the pun) on a 27 incher - let's face it, who would bother with anything less? When it was delivered J was busy playing with it (the TV of course) and turned round to catch me with one leg in the box.

"you're not seriously going to get into the box are you?" he asked incedulously.

"Course I am it's huge, can't resist" I replied indignantly.

What can I say, Men play with technological stuff, women climb into boxes.




But look, it's huge! of course, if I were taller than 5ft2 then this would be a specatular photo, however, in my expert opinion you can fit in a 7ft basketball player, a couple of kittens and a fallabella pony in that box and still have room for a six-pack and a sandwich. What do you reckon? Maybe we should play that game - guess how many marbles you can fit into the box or something? hmmmm I must try that out...

New Chapter

I know it has been yonks and I apologise. Searching for a flat and a few other things have kept me all tied up - and not in a fun playful sense.

hmm, what have you missed in my enthralling life as a primary teacher? Oh yeah things like this:

hi

i just want to warn you about ic class,is u were say that on thursday is the last ic learning,but tomorrow we got a test that it's very important so we can't come tomorrow. At least we all want to let you still teaching cause, what about the next generation of prapamontree kids? they would't learn a good english with a english sound,cause when you didn't come,all prapamontree kids speak bad english with a thai sound.

bye

P.S. bad english means not a good grammar!, and i am just the one who can speak english, but just little wrong with the grammar


This is an email from one of my students. Great isn't it? I bet you can guess which one it is. IC class my the way is what they call our English class - Intensive Course, blimey you can say that again.

So, today was my last day. As you can see they had exams so we didn't even have a goodbye lesson. Hmmph. I shall have to console myself wih the memories of sports day we had recently. This was an interesting day. The morning involved the Kindergarten - poor things don't even understand what a cometition is. They had to run a slalom, and we spent the first two hours of the day watching them charge off, go round one post and then veer off into the wild blue yonder! Some of them made it to the end of the course, turned round and then just disappeared. It was hilarious. Then we spent a further hour and a half watching Kindergarten kick a ball all of two feet into a net. Highly scintillating stuff.




This is how Kindergarten tend to make their way round school. this trainesque fashion makes good of their sheep style ability to follow each other. If the one in front is following you then you just can't lose the rest - well, that's the approach the Thai teachers seem to take.















This is one of my cutest Kindergarten...














It just got better. In the afternoon it was the big kids' turn to humiliate themselves. The highlight of my day was the orange juice drinking, donut eating, banana eating, find candy hidden in a bunch of talc and eat them, blow talc off a plate relay race. Now, clearly I am not making it up, coz you have to be either insane or Thai to dream up a race like that. I had oodles of fun watching though. Great stuff.




Photographic evidence that indeed there were chairs and a crazy relay race. This is the bit where they had to find nuts of something in talc and then fish them out and eat them up. Sadly, my batteries conked out before I ahd a chance to get a good photo of them blowing talc off a plate...









Am v. excited. We found a great flat in the centre of Bangkok. It will be nice now not to have to take a taxi to work and stuff. Not be stuck in traffic. Eat what and where we want woo hoo! Finding a flat is the harder part. You basically have to pick an area you want to live in and then walk around and ask places if they ahve apartments to rent. Sod's law the last place we look at is our dream flat. We have a seperate bedroom and everything. Pool, gym, sauna - yay!





Ok, I'll stop I don't want your computer screens imbued with vomit. Can be a bugger to get out of the keys... I shall just post the pics and be on my way...

School Time

Don't be fooled by the angelic looks. Of course, a lot of these girls are some of my faves in P1, they are rarely in a mood, don't fight with the others and always try hard at English. But, there is still oodles of room for mischief.






















This is where the magic happens. My classroom. Shame the tables aren't naild to the floor. Somehow, Kindergarten manage to move them right in to withing inches of me during the class and I still have no idea how. On Friday, I turned round to discover one of my Kindergarten with a plastic bag on his head! An ill feeling really hit me to the core and I told him to take it off. He looke at me smiled and then pulled a face like he was dead. Clearly, someone had caught him doing it before and warned him of the consequences, but noone had thought to take it away from him!











This is Som Tum. A staple Thai dish. Made with grated green papaya, fish sauce, chillis and peanuts. It is delicious. They crush all the ingredents together in this big thing with a pestle and mortar. Most people have it for lunch and it is a popular cheap street food.

V-Day Blues

Woe is me, v-day and am stuck at home ill. J called to say that I probably had a lucky escape as it appears that in this country you run and around and plaster people with stickers. How romantic. What do you say to that? Thanks for making me look like a loser from Project runway where I had to make a suit out of trash? Course, am lucky I escaped said stickiness but you be damn sure that I am looking forward to seeing what the kids have done to him. Ah...every cloud...

What is it about V-day anyway? Last year, we were driving back from Chi when we had a blow-out on the highway in Kentucky and ended up stuck there for a while waiting for a trooper, nothing like truck fumes in your face to get you in the mood. The year before we were in the least romantic country on earth, well, they have black day where if you are single you have to eat black food and stuff, mmm doesn't that just make you feel warm and fuzzy inside?

The year before that we weren't long together so I boycotted it to avoid the pressure and had a rather nice evening with two of my closest female friends, which brings me to the weekend. Our sort of anniversary. I didn't quite realise it was our anniversary on Saturday until Friday evening. Who moans it's the men who forget these things man? I'm just as bad. We went down to Pattaya beach to relax. It isn't exactly the most romantic setting to be fair. It is the only place in Thailand that GIs could go to on holiday during Vietnam, and really, I doubt the image or trade there has changed much since then.

Lots of foreigners with a beautiful Thai woman. Everybody knows this goes on, it is well-known for it, but it is a different feeling caught up among it. I don't have a problem with it when it is a fit young bloke with a fit bird or an old bloke with an old Thai bird. But, I just feel weird when I see a bloke who clearly wouldn't be able to bed a moose in his home country but is spreading about the wonga for a bird half his age in Pattaya. It is made worse by the fact that they think they are kings because of the woman on their arm and they seem to forget that she isn't really there for the right reasons and doesn't necessarily look like she wants to be there. I'm sure it makes it difficult for those who do have legitimate relationships. That aside, Pattaya is the closest beach and Jomtien area is fairly quiet and family oriented and the bonus of so many tourists is cheap accomodation and decent restaurants so you can't always complain.

It was a fairly nice weekend except or the part where I woke up in horrendous pain with stomach cramps and the inevitable squits. Clearly, I was paying for getting a little carried away and buying steamed Prawns on the beach from a woman selling them from a big pot she carried around with her. Yes, yes, all the warning signs were there, she should have had a huge neon light advertising Gastroentiritis really, but you know, after a while you think you are impervious to the porcelain ache, until you take it a little too far. I'm sure it is the fact that when you first arrive in Thailand, no matter how hot you think you can take your Tabasco or whatever, your first Thai meal will blow your head off. Then you learn that in Thailand they judge the heat of the food by the amount of Chillies that they put in the food. then you realise that Thais have 8-10 Chillis in an average dish and the average Westerner can only manage 3! After a few months of training you can muster about 5 and then you think that your stomach is made of steel and you can eat anything. WRONG!

Oh well, better luck next time...

Hope you all have a good time today whever you are whatever you are doing...

CNY

I'm beginning to feel that my New Years are doomed and that travel problems are just going to be part and parcel of them in the future. It is Chinese New Year and we have yet another long weekend. You won't hear me complaining, oh no, although it would be nice if they told us more than one day in advance so that we could make proper plans and book a hotel etc, but you know, it's a school, why should they have their academic calendar prepared more than two days in advance? that's just crazy talk.

Our friends were heading off to Khao Sam Roi national park somewhere in the south. Didn't know anything about it and neither did they so we thought it would be fun to join. When they asked if I thought traffic would be bad I had a clear lapse of stupididty and said, "well, traffic is always abd in Bangkok why try and predict it?".

It wasn't until Friday morning that J reminded me the hell that was Chinese New year in Korea when a normal 30 min ride home turned into a 2 and a half hour nightmare. But, you now, there were six of us going you think one of us would have thought tha far ahead if it was going to be a problem.... mmmm.

We left school bright eyed and bushy tailed on Friday and immediately hit nauseatingly slow traffic. The greenhouse effect is awful. The air con int he car works but the sun is hitting you so hard it makes you want to puke. We had to stop off in BKK to get some things and we were an hour ahead of the other to make it to the bus station so we didn't have any worries. We even stopped off for a coffee and a snack once we got into the centre because we thought we had time to kill.

Well, not a single taxi would take us to the bus station and even tuk-tuks refused. When a tuk-tuk says no you know you are in serious doo doo. Our only option was to make it as close by public transport adn then try again for a taxi. The others were still stuck in traffic in their own taxi.

We made it to the river and tried in vain again to get a taxi. We then waited in the hugest queue ever for a boat to take us up river to get to the other side and then try and get a txi up there. Finally we were within a couple of miles from the bus station but still no taxis. The others got there and we told them to leave without us as there was no ope of us making the bus. It took us over four hours and them 3 and a half solid hours in a taxi and then there was a 5 hour bus ride ahead of them and we thought it would be best to hang out in BKK instead. We were exhausted with all that trundling around, hadn't had any dinner and were in desperate need of a beer.

We made it into Khao San road and found a nice hotel. We didn't bother shopping round too much as we just wanted to get rid of the rucksack.

We decided to check out things we hadn't seen in BKK yet. We might leave, so now is as good a time as any.

Here is the photographic evidence:

This is Wat Arun. One of the most famous Wats in Bangkok. It means temple of the dawn thus named because that is when the King showed up in BKK to turn it into the capital. It is decorated with pottery.
















Now, I've seen some signs in my time and I've ad some warnings but "don't dangle your doll" what does that mean??

















It is believed that evil spirits can only travel in straight lines. Many corridors and walkways are built in a zig zag to stop them from being able to travel.
























These monkeys also protect the temple.














Here is a classical example of life along the river in Thailand. Houses on stilts and there are always loads of clothes hanging out to dry...













Now, I have often encountered some stupid toursits, but really. They are at a national monument and not content with taking a photo of the cat they are videoing it for good measure!!!










Feel like you learned something today??

Why...

It has been a while. Apologies. Only 26 more days of teaching so the rush is on to get a solid plan into place, find a new job possibly a new country etc. Yes. yes, I know it must sound teribbly exciting to some of you but trust me, the novelty wears off after a while. If only I could just at least decide if we are going to stay here or leave then I could get into "I am leaving need to get shit done" mode or the opposite but instead we are keeping our options open so I have to think of everything from every angle. I want to make sure that the new jobs we have are as good as they can be. We made sacrifices on our priorities to be here and we resent it, we made sacrifices in Korea and we resented it. For once, I want to be 100 percent sure that the job I am doing is what we need from all possible stand points. Professional development, career advancement, adequate accomodation, local amenities, variety of lessons, schedule, school, resources, adequate pay, location the list goes on and on and on and on and on. OK you get the picture. Half the job ads don't even vaguely include any of the information we need and how do you even tell over the internet if a plce is good or not. hmmph.

Moving on before I find more questions to ask myself. My kindergarten have finally discovered my boobs. I am surprised that I got away with it for so long it has to be said. Needless to say a quick grab of the breast is not a parting gesture I am used to and don't intend getting used to, well not from my students of course. I can't seem to stop them , just when I think I have deflected one little so and so creeping in from the left another jumps up from the other side and grabs on for dear life. It's just not a good look. 4 year-olds are not supposed to be boob furniture and I'm concerned they are going to speed up the procees of gravity.

To add to their growing list of 'cute' little foybles. They now think it is hilarious to talk half English half nonsense with me:

Me: " How are you today Pattawee?"

P: " Happy Walloon"

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but I doubt he is trying to tell me what a happy little Belgian he is. I dread to think what it actually means if it has any significance in Thai. My helper (in the loosest posibble sense of the word) doesn't crease up with laughter so I think I'm fairly safe from secret abuse.

I don't know much about kids really. I learn something new every day even now, but last time I came into contact with one before I plunged headlong into teaching them, I don't recall the "why?" phase being at 9 years old. I swear my cousin hit it at about 3/4. One of my 9-year-olds is driving me round the bend. Soon the conversation in class will go like this:

AB (annoying brat) : "Teacher, why is the paper cut like this?

Me: because I'm cack-handed and try as I might I can't cut straight and who cares anyway.

AB: Teacher, why do I have to colour the picture?

Me: because I said so

AB: Teacher, why did you write that word in a different colour pen?

Me: sigh....

AB: Teacher, why can't I be on the same team as the other god English speaker?

Me: sigh....

AB: Teacher, why can't I change my team name?

Me: - huge audible kerfuffle

AB: teacher, why is there a pair of scissors in my eyes?


honestly, I just can't take it some days. There are petty children, fussy children, children who take an eternity to comlpete a sentence but this one can actually communicate! Nightmare.

Long weekend this weekend and braving 'the Thai nature'. I actually have my camera this time. So, brave yourslef for some pics.

Spinal Crack

This should come with a warning of: Don't do this at home! However, I am kind of asking you to do just that. I shall therefore do the disclaimer now and say that any injury incurred is not my fault.

I was getting my weekly Thai massage yesterday and still marvel at the woman balancing on my arse. Now I am not sure if I am just incredibly inflexible -although after this many I shouldn't be - or a weakling. Basically I need evidence that it is not just me who suffers in this particular position.

So, grab a partner and choose wisely. I passed a Thai woman weighing herself on one of those electric machines (why do people do that in public??) and I caught sight of her weight: 31.8 Kilos!! That's like 4 and a half stone! 60 pounds! So bear this in mind whilst choosing a partner, don't do it drunk and don't do it when you could end up in one of those dodgy 'oops I snogged him and didn't mean to situations now we need to have a little chat' I also don't claim responsibility for any situations arising...

Got someone? Good.

Lie on your front face down on a pillow and lie on something soft like a matress (this is typically where Thai massages take place) get you partner to stand on you thighs. I am not joking. Wrap you legs (calves) around your partner's calves. Wedge your legs in place using your toes. Comfy? You shouldn't be!

Now, the person on top leans forward and lands on your shoulders with their palms and simultaneously yanks forward and upwards your legs.

Does that hurt like hell? that's what I want to know.

They do this to me every time and by the time I have squinted round to check how she balances up there the yanking begins and I lose all sense of time and space.

Weird.

Literally Speaking

It came to my attention a while back that every time my kids saw a cat they pointed and said Miaow. This happens alot because here are several cats who hang around the school, they like to sleep outside my window so the kids are always trying to spy on them. It became so frequent that I started to wonder if it is indeed the word for cat in Thai.

Then a thread of consciousness started to weave it's way through the sharpened tones of the Thai language and I realised that the word for balloon was something along the lines of bombang - could this mean that some Thai words are onomatopaeic?

Then came this: J mentioned that when he was teaching his kids they were takling about movies that they had seen. One in particular was called Err-err. Some of you can see where this is going and for others it will take a while but I shall confirm any suspicions, the film is similar to I am Sam. Scary, isn't it?

Anyway, I could verify it all in a dictionary but conjecture is more fun. Let's face it this info seeps through children who can't really speak any English, so, it might not be accurate. tis an interesting thought anyway...

Tour of Shanghai

I realise I don't really put enough pics up, they convey more than words sometimes. Just got photoshop which helps reduce them, will then move on to the other large amount of pics I have that I haven't bothered to display.



Here we are outside the mansion down in the old part of Shanghai wearing about 9 layers of clothes. The bridge we're on is called the bridge of the nine dragon tails (or something like that - D's gonna kill me for not memorising it all properly) the idea is that evil spirits can only travel in straight lines. There are all the bends in the bridge to prevent evil spritis from entering the house. Lots of steps and different levels are there for the same purpose.



This is the house. Lots of rooms to meet and entertain guests. Lots of those cool curly roofs and stuff.










This is part of the garden. As I mentioned before, Chinese gardens consider rocks to be the main feature rather than flowers.











Here are the women making 'Shaolombai' which we tried - again this is an approximation of the real word! These are like dumplings but the Shangainese will emphatically deny that they are indeed the same as dumplings. They have pork inside and then some juice and are steamed in the basket. The trick is to suck out the juice first and then eat them - no mean feat when using chopsticks!




Here is some bamboo scaffolding which they favour in China. Apparently it is stronger than steel but certainly doesn't look it...















This is the most famous shopping street in Shanghai, full of neon and modern stuff. Was quite nice to walk down a pedestrian area for change.



















This is the bund. All the buildings on this side of the road were built to represent all the European arhitecture and they are all here. They were bank headquarters and fancy hotels, check out the flags on top.












This is on the other side of the river to the old buildings. The famous view of Shanghai with all the futuristic buildings. Apparently, Shanghai has more skyscrapers alone than all other places in the world put together!


So, there you have it, a glimpse of what we got up to...

Inbound Evil Santa

After the previous delay we thought it wise to be ahead of the game and check whether our return flight on New Year's eve wasn't delayed. Usually, this would be a simple task however, after problems contacting me before I left BKK, D had called Shanghai airport to confirm arrival of my flight and was told that without a doubt, positively that we were going to arrive in Shanghai at 11pm. In fact we left at 11pm. Poor D spent four hours in beautiful Shanghai airport with nothing to do. We approached the task with a certain amount of scepticism and it really didn't provide us with any kind of preparation for what was to come.

We thought it would be kind of cool to be in the air at midnight. Long gone are the days when I get all excited about what I'm going to do for NY, it is nigh on impossible to have all the people I want together in the same room. Will have to wait till I am a millionaire and can swing by the various countries to pick you all up in my private jet for the party of the century. But where exactly would we do NY?

Fantasy land aside, let's return to the dismal reality that was my NY. We arrived at
Pudong airport at 7pm for the 10 o'clock flight and weren't shocked to see it was delayed. In fact, thought it was positive that it was actually on the board and therefore, to all intents and purposes, existed. It was delayed until 1am. Again, noone was there at check-in so we went to the only, yes only restaurant in this huge architectural masterpiece of an airport, for an overpriced but nice dinner. We eventually checked-in at 11 and everything was closed the other side. This is normal in China. When we went to the museum it shut at 5. at 4.50 the guards chucked us out of the room we were in and promptly pulled down the iron shutters and the entire building was locked down by 4.49.

We had nothing to do but wait. And wait we did freezing our tits off at our gate. We got a gate change at some point and I tried to bed down and get some rest. Was prodded at around 12.30 by J with a rather dreary Happy NY and that was it. Then they announced that we wouldn't actually be leaving at 1am as the plane wasn't at the airport yet. We were the only people in the damn place. Felt kind of eerie. We finally started to board at around 3am. I was so happy to be on the plane.

As we took off I noticed the smell of petrol but put it to the back of my mind, was so tired and just wanted to get going that I couldn't have cared less. We had been in the air about 10 mins when the plane started to lose height rapidly. This concerned me a little more. 10 mins later the pilot was announcing that there was a technical problem and that we had to retrun to Shanghai. We were so annoyed that we weren't indeed heading back to Thailand that we didn't notice how nervous the pilot sounded.

We had an OK landing and I looked out of the window to see 20 fire engines on the runway surrounding us, complete with police etc. This is when I realised that all was not well. The feeling was intensified when the by now obviously nervous pilot informed us that we were going to be taxied to a remote part of the aiport as far away from other planes as possible. Took a while for the following to occur to me:

They wanted us as far away fom other planes so that we didn't set them on fire if we exploded. However, they weren't remotely interested in getting 400 people off a plane before it exploded!

Nice, huh?

We taxied for half an hour, during this time there was a commotion up front and the inevitable announcement came "erm is there a doctor on the plane, if so please show yourself to a member of staff". Honestly, it was like being on a tragically rudimentary air thriller. The plane was boiling because they couldn't have anthing running and we were cooped up for a while. Eventually they let us out and we were bused back to good old gate 32 with the prospect of another long wait ahead of us. No information came, none was volunteered. There were only 5 westerners in total and we were ludicrously hovering around each other to make sure we didn't get lost and could trade any precious info we had. The same man as before had another heart attack at the gate and people just stood around and stared at him and started fanning him. Eventually, an ambualnce was called and he was carted off. But it took a long time. They left him on the place until last which I am sure didn't do him any favours.

As a Dutch guy who had been living in China for ten years said, we had hit the double jackpot of misery by flying Air India in China. It was just such a stupid situation. Eventually, we were told that we would be on a Thai Air flight at 9am and had to go back through immigration (it was 6am by now, not that there was anybody at immigration anyway) to pick up our bags and then re-check them for our new flight. erm, can't you just put our bags on the other plane? and we didn't have any either! Chinese people started getting angry and there was lots of shouting. They hadn't given us anything to eat or drink. We'd been there for nearly twelve hours and tempers were running high. It all turned out ok in the end. The Thai air flight was fabulous. I have flown with them about 5 times now and every time it has been great.

It couldn't diminish our fab time in Shanghai in any way, though. I just won't fly air India again. Still, this comes in second to four days stuck on a bus in the Ecuadorian jungle, so it wasn't that bad. I think J still gets stunned that when things like this happen I am the one who is calm and not particularly bothered and he gets angry. I just get irate at the little things.

Can also guarantee that everybody else's NY was far better than mine. So, looking forward to hearing all about it. Let's just hope that wasn't a sign of things to come for me this year...

Outbound Bad Santa

Just when you think that you've got all your bases covered and you are gazing at the bright blue sky, you stick your foot in a pothole and break your ankle...just like CZ in winter.

Well, some things were rather like that, it has to be said.

I've decided to split this into two parts for sanity purposes, but I doubt it will make it more bite-sized.

I literally hurled myself out of bed on the 27th with HUGE anticipation of heading to Shanghai, seeing D and getting some cold air in my lungs. Being me, I had packed the night before and had cleaned the place (I hate getting back from hols to a mess don't you?) and don't worry I'm not turning into some neurotic old coot, packing only involved stuffing the few vaguely wintery clothes I had into my trusty-just large enough to carry everything I need for a few weeks but just small enough to pass as hand luggage-rucksack. You just know I've got it down to fine art nowadays. Some people, not mentioning any names, still seem to leave it until the last minute and always forget their toothbrush.

Excuse me one moment, I shall just remove the pole from my arse...ahhh that's much better.

Where was I? ah yes, hurling. I peeked out from the balcony to check the traffic status and everything seemed normal for a Tuesday morning. Had to be at the airport around one so I thought that leaving at 10.30 am for what should be an hour-ish journey using two taxis and the BTS (skytrain) should suffice. Two hours later we were still in the first taxi ride and I was getting predictably distraught(it took us half an hour to drive over a bridge!). The taxi driver, clearly sensing one of my most evil looks boring through his head-rest turned to me and asked if we wanted to take one of the little side roads as 'it could be faster'. Now, I said yes completely fogetting that short cuts to Thai taxi drivers mean taking an elaborate route through 'back streets' and even hospital car parks in areas I'm sure should be for ambulances only. Short cut really means anything but short and is rarely scenic. Half an hour later and feeling rather sea sick from all the twists and turns we arrived at the BTS and I noticed that the main road was still chokka. Slightly harrassed and crestfallen that we weren't going to be able to have the leisurely western lunch in BKK that we had planned we headed on to the Airport.

We eventually arrived and our flight was not on the departures board. Nothing. Zip. Nada, no matter how hard I stared. Horrendous visions of it being an utterly bogus flight and I'd handed over my money on some sort of scam flew through my mind. We went to the check-in section for Air India and there wasn't anybody there, not even a soupcon of activity suggesting a flight even existed. Someone directed us to the Air India desk. It was closed. Boarded up with newspaper in fact. I was getting fidgety it has to be said, I'd started swearing a while back.

Good old airport information, we'll try them.
-'Air India? flight AI348? my computer says it leaves here at 9pm.'
- What the bollocks to buggery are you talking about woman? write it down! Write it down! I need it in writing, it can't be right.
It was wrong, actually we didn't take off until 11.10pm. When were we supposed to leave I here you ask? 3pm. And the thing is in Thailand they never seem to care about these things. It is weird and in fact noone else appeared to be there when we were for the same flight. I don't get it. Most people tavel to China on group tours so I presume they had the luxury of being warned about the delay.

The only option was to zoom back into BKK - the prospect of spending 7 hours at the airport is never pleasant, couldn't even check-in to get to the departures lounge anyway. We contacted D to break the bad news that we were going to land around 3am and bimbled about a brand new mall they opened (in between two other huge malls) in BKK. This one, features only shops along the lines of Gucci and Armani - there were thousands of people in there none of whom had any shopping bags - and poncey restaurants, western stuff, a Gourmet supermarket akin to Harrods and lots and lots of fake plant decor, waterfalls and ponds containing the ubiquitous koi.

We returned to the aiport to discover our flight finally on the board with a discreetly flashing delay sign next to it. We finally left at 11.10pm and I was rather disgruntled that they insisted on checking my boarding pass upon entering the gate, in the tunnel on the way to the plane and upon boarding - would anyone in their right mind hang around for 9 hours just to stowaway or have waited 9 hours to discover it is the wrong flight? I think not.

I had been looking forward to the flight hoping the food would be of Indian orientation, predictably, it was not to be. However, I found the hostesses to be lovely and the flight went without a hitch. Obviously, I thought cabin pressure had done something really funny to my ears when she came round with the drinks, and when I said I'd like a beer she replied: "shall I just give you four?" I made her repeat this just to check I wasn't going mad and she just plonked four Kingfishers on my table and more than the recommended amount of nuts. Of course, the first thing I did was look around to check if anyone else was getting special treatment, nope just us. This went a long way to improving this part of the journey.

But the worst was yet to come...

Good Santa

Happy New Year everybody.

As most of you are quite aware by now, nothing I plan ever goes without a hitch. I have a feeling that oppression haunts people. The tentacles of oppression that once stung the Welsh stretch throughout history and sting you on the backside when you least expect it. This can range from a simple slip on the bathroom rug in the morning that ruins your day not to mention the embarrassment factor to the bank cancelling your card without warning whilst you are abroad thus leaving you stranded and penniless.

Yep, there is a big one coming but I decided that today I shall concentrate on the good stuff and then go sharpen my tongue for a couple of days and get to work on describing the cloud that eclipsed my silver lining.

So, there was an office Christmas party. The photo says it all.

Anyway, Christmas was good. Spent it at home, took me 3 hours to cook the dinner in our shoe-box of a toaster oven. Got some cool presents as always and relaxed, watched movies and sipped on mimosas as I started to get to grips with my new Harry Potter PS2 game. Sad but true.

Here comes the cool bit:
On the 27th we set off for Shanghai to see David. It's been two years since he braved Korea to come and see me. Time really does fly. As always though, makes no big difference whether you saw your best friends 20 mins or 20 years ago is the same.

We arrived late, in fact at 3am which was not particularly convenient. But, we just leaped in a taxi after fighting off the drivers that try really hard to squeeze money out of you. Is similar to Thailand however the Chinese have less sense of personal space so have no problems grabbing onto you in the process. Gets a bit annoying for normal people, makes me spit out obscenities at a rate that would make Twista proud.

I had heard bad things about China before I went. People moaning about the state of the bogs and the food being greasy and the people not so nice but I was very impressed. the fist day we bimbled around the old area. Although there isn't much left as they are trying to destroy all of it to make way for more skyscrapers. We saw most of it as David's sense of direction has not improved in the last two years. It was cold but we loved it. It was so great to wander round without breaking into a sweat. My feet were rather disgruntled at being trapped in shoes and socks - haven't worn anything but sandals in 8 months. We saw an old Chinese mansion and the gardens attached which were really cool. Chinese gardens are more focussed on the rocks than the flowers.

In the evening we went for some Chinese hot pot. This is a huge pot of boiling broth that you chuck stuff into and let it cook and fish it back out again and eat it. Great for winter. Lucky to have D there as the English menu left a lot to be desired. No real food names more strange descriptions like "leaping lion" "good luck pigeon" and that kind of thing. Not that Chinese names themselves are any better apparently.



We also got to see the futuristic side of Shanghai and the museum which was really cool. It took an hour to change money in the bank because they weren't familiar with Thai baht but can't complain, when I tried to change GBP (that's real British pounds) in Alabama they wouldn't and wanted to photocopy the notes, fax the copies to Florida to confirm they were indeed real and then call us when they were ready to change it. Because clearly you can tell if a note is counterfeit just by looking at a photocopy of it. Nuff said.

It was really intersting learning about chinese culture and history. The sex shops were weird, digressing a little but whatever. They look more like Chemists, tend to have glass windows and old women running them wearing white coats. A little intimidating. I was most puzzled by an aparatus I hadn't seen before. Namely a doll like thing - miniature - designed to be used under water for 'relief'. I just dont see the point. Any suggestions? OK, dipped my toe in the sewer, moving on.

Real Peking duck was cool. I also realised how much I had missed the communist attention to detail and service. It was great that they placed your food on the table and then hurled the chopsticks at you. Nice and friendly.

Of course, it all wasn't as clean as all that. Spitting is part of the culture, they can make as much noise as they want doing it. Kind of gross but you are at fault if you draw attention to the belching or farting. Got a cool jacket. I wasn't equipped for the cold so I needed one. The Chinese take bartering to new heights. D laid on the thick sob story that we were poor English teachers in Thailand not rich westerners. Things like that. Got a good price. Bought couple of watches, one of which we had to return as the hand fell off - oops. Got some cool Mao propaganda posters. A good haul really.

Lots more to say but am in the middle of cooking. Maybe you should ask your own questions and give me a direction to head in. Hint hint. Is a web page, let's be interactive etc.

Is it really Christmas?

You know that feeling around Christmas time when you reach your limit and you think to yourself: if I have to spend any more time in the Body Shop or Bed bath and Beyond to select a 'token' smelly gift I will die? If I hear Jingle Bells one more time I'll shove them where the sun don't shine? (I bet most of you ar there already right?)

and then... you spend a Christmas away from home in a country that doesn't even know what Christmas is and you realise that you miss the incessant Carols and the annoying Jemimas.

now mix the two sensations together and ...voila! Christmas in Thailand.

It doesn't feel like xmas, it doesn't look like xmas but one of my K2 will be maimed tomorrow if they continue to spontaneously burst into Jingle Bells or rather:

Jingooo bear, Jingoo bear, Jingoo aww away,
oh what fur i' i' oo oo on a w or o'e lay OH!

and to top it all off, there is a big hoo ha at the mo because they have some special do ON Xmas day and so they are practicing their plays and their dances for it. I feel like I am teaching at a performing arts school. The kids do nothing all day but dance and then half of them come to our classes and it is all a bit pointless. And the music, yes of course, the music is incessant. And maybe, just maybe someone should tell them that it really isn't a good idea to have 30 6-year-olds dancing to Gwen Stefani holler back girl remix which includes a long spell of "I'm the shit, you ain't no shit". They are also wondering why we wouldn't want to go to the big do on xmas day - I shall be eating, drinking and getting very Merry.

so far this week we have made Snowflakes, Christmas cards, we've written letters to Santa, we've also drawn what we want Santa to bring, we've coloured in pictures of Santa and frankly I'm all out of ideas and I still have to teach them for two more days! I think on Friday we'll play pin the tail on the reindeer...

Top requests from kids for xmas:

Barbie
Robot
Gameboy
Game play (no idea what that is!)
Gloria Dress (pass!)
Bike
Pencil
Pencil Case
Rubber
Ruler
House (a real one apparently and surprisingly a common addition to the wish list!)

Bah humbug!

What's under Orion's belt?

Yeah, yeah, I know you are probably expecting some inter-planaterial filth from my good self detailing the absence of stars under the belt thus indicating the lack of endowment so to speak, but, no, I simply found myself staring at Orion's belt on Saturday evening at a fabulous sound and light extravaganza.

Now, those of you astute enough to think that the very fact that I could even see stars would suggest that I was nowhere near the heavily polluted and smoke-ridden sky of BKK, would indeed be right. I was in Ayuthaya.

Ayuthaya? Where is that? I hear you cry! Well, let me tell you. It is a whole 2 hours on a train to the North of Bangkok. Nothing but luscious green fields, swamps and some dodgy looking abodes seperate it from it's rather large and smelly brother BKK. It was once the capital of Thailand back in 113...erm 12..3.... a long time ago and has many remnants from that era. Yes, more temples. But not sparkly golden Buddha ones like in BKK rather more demure bits of stone poking out of the ground in various formations. I bet you are also wondering why I managed to see so much of the landscape whilst leaning out (don't do that you'll get your head chopped off - sorry I've come over all teachery) of the window. Well, I noticed that at every station there was a marker to say how far you were from where you had been and where you were going, 60Kms we travelled. 60, in TWO HOURS! That's 15 miles an hour on average. Still, can't complain the journey cost a staggering... 22pence/40cents.

Anyway, we got there. See http://www.terragalleria.com/theravada/thailand/ayuthaya/ayuthaya.html for an idea of what the place looks like. I was cursing myself enough for forgetting my camera this time.

On Saturday during the day we went to Lopburi which is a further 15 miles down the road - an hour and 20 by train, it was great. So nice to get into the countryside and savour a little peace and tranquility and be jumped on by monkeys. There are more temples of course, even a cluster of mudhuts in the arse end of nowhere in Thailand cannot be built without a temple but these temples have monkeys living in them. TB was accosted of course and I was scowling so much that they daren't come anywhere near me. It's just great when your evil look works on animals and not just children.

We arrived back in Ayuthaya to attend the amazing sound and light show of the evening commemorating the ancient Kings of Thailand (cue lots of loud patriotic music and flowery descriptions) and the settling of Ayuthaya and wait for it "the battle of the one elephant on back" which clearly was the highlight of the programme for me.

9 Elephants, 9 whole elephants prancing about 'pretending' to fight, squirting water on people, pushing 'actors' into the moat (and looking rather pleased with themselves when they did so) complete with swords that sparks flew off when they clashed - how amazing is that? I was mightily impressed, it even started on time which is a feat in itself in this country. Clearly traffic is a lot lighter than round those parts. It was great, we had been promised that Thais would start crying at the re-inactment of the sacrifice of the Queen to save her people, but it appears that there were only dry eyes in the house. Damn and blast. We couldn't really make out what kind of sacrifice she made, it looked like she was on top of a volcano (well smoke was billowing out from underneath her) and then there were laser tears eminating from the dark and descending the stone she was crouched upon. Any ideas? she jumped into an attacking volcano? She exuded rather large luminous green tears which can only be done once in your lifetime adn then you die? I don't know. Course, I could look it up on the internet and find out in seconds but that is far less fun.

Am afraid have been lacking in the entries this week. I also brought back with me some sort of weird tummy bug (worst Indian food I have ever had in my life). It appears antibiotics zap the old creative juices as it were. As long as that is all they zap, eh?

My first pet...

I remember my first pet. Do you? Well, mine was as much of a pet as can be in the Welsh farmery sense of the word. A sheepdog called Meg. Lovely dog she was, you could just point in the general direction of where the sheep were and off she would disappear like lightning and ten mins later the sheep would be in the pen. She went everywhere with me, was a Princess or a horse for example if I needed her to be (these things happen when you are an only child) and I always remember my Mum saying that if I fell and started crying she would growl at my Mum and blame her. Ahhhh. She never came in the house although desperately wanted to when there was a storm and lived to the ripe old age of 14 and was a trooper till the end.

You may right now be wondering what the hell has made me so nostalgic, but let's face it we all have fond memories of pets coz they are fun, I mean, none of you have ever actually taken one to school when you were a kid and killed it, have you?

Now you are beginning to see my point, aren't you? Horrifying as it may seem. Depending on how quickly the direction this story is taking is dawning on you.

So, couple of months back, having lunch with TB (sushi probably) discussing the finer points of trying to get a child to stay in it's seat for more than a millisecond he mentions that one of his P4 brought a hamster to class no less. Needless to say it was a little distracting. At the time he voiced concerns for the safety of the animal but in all seriousness we didn't think it was possible that harm would truly come to the poor thing.

Cue following lunchtime and TB points out that our worst fears had come true as the hamster indeed was attending class again but this time it was being hurled around the room in a ziploc bag. Nice. Apparently "the bad boys" had killed it. They threw it on the floor. I don't really think I need to put exclamation marks anywhere in the texts I shall allow your eyebrows to do the talking.

...yeah, yeah, I wish I were joking too...

Shocking and unbelievable as it all was we thought that was the end of it. Oh, did I mention they tried to offload the dead little critter onto TB? No? Well, they did.

Last week. P5 bring a Hamster into TB's class and this one is presumed dead on arrival until they spot it twitch and discover it is indeed breathing despite lying on the table legs splayed. This too was also maimed by "the bad boys". Also, they tried to sell it to TB for about 25pence/50cents. Lovely. Dunno about you, but I'm not convinced Thais have the same feelings for animals as we do...could be wrong.

I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions. I did find one of my kids trying to throw a cat into a tree the other day and was stared at by adults for telling him off. I mean, it's a cat, not a bird, it doesn't live in a tree right? Whatever.

finally...

Finally, I have the internet at home again -but who knows how long this false sense of security will last?

Tip: ludicrously, the new windows XP service 2 version actually has a bug in it which prevents you from accessing the internet. Of course, there is a patch available to solve the problem however you can only download it from the internet - hand up anyone who sees a vicious circle appearing?! I said hand, you dirty thing in the back there!

Anyway, can also finally post those Loy Krathong pics...

First of all, I presume I ought to actually explain what Loy Krathong is all about however, I am not 100 percent sure myself as noone tells us anything. Two weeks ago I was under the impression it was to commemorate the dead however last week I found out it was to give thanks so, you know, don't quote me on this. So, at present, it is to give thanks and they celebrate by making Krathong which are like floating things made of what looks like grass and leaves and they put a candle and some flowers in the middle of it and send it down the river. We had the entire day off teaching, which was nice and the kids had beauty competitions where the girls dressed up in traditional Thai dress and singing and dancing competitions which necessitated cheerlederesque co-ordination but, they are like 10 years old so I'm not sure the dancing was quite the extravaganza they thought it was. It certainly has become apparent that Thais like to put on a show but the effort is somewhat half hearted, the end result being a whole day of laughable routines and techincal mishaps and kids scratching their arses on stage and what-not. I found it the greatest teaching day in Thailand ever of course but possibly not for the desired reasons of the hosts of the event.

A nice thing to come of it was that we truly felt like we were part of the school for the day. All the parents in attendance were eager to oggle us and seemed very excited to meet us and I had the pleasure of meeting the British father of my little goody two shoes!

As an aside, incidentally when I asked him on Friday what he was doing for the long weekend he replied thus: "well Miss Hardcastle, I might have a spot of breakfast and then mainly I shall be reading during the weekend. I love books, especially science books, that's my passion, you see I want to be a scientist" This kid is a riot. I was just thinking to myself the other day how I truly have never come across such an honest and particularly forthright person, I mean he loses points for his own team by reporting them, he doesn't do it in any way because he is an arse he does it simply because they are doing something wrong and he feels this strong pull to do something about it. And he is only 9!

Back to meeting the parents...

So, TB and I were approached, I teach the son and TB teaches the 5-year-old daughter, and it was nice to have the father thank us for teaching his kids and comment on what an honourable job it is and then he looks at me and smiles and I just know something is coming. He chuckles to himself and says the first day his son returned from school he said "Dad, I think my new English teacher is a Celt" when asked why he replied "because she got really angry at one point and started banging the board!". Clearly, TB thought it was super amusing but then the tables were turned when he mentioned what the girl said after her first day of school. They asked what her teacher's name was and she couldn't remember she knew it was Mr Something so she told them it was Mr Donut! (which is the name of a donut store here).

The first pic is of one of my P1 students. Ordinarily, she is the most demure little creature in the world. Firstly, I wondered who the hell it was waving at me shouting teacher! teacher! 1. they never tire of doing it no matter how many times they see you in a day and 2. I have discovered that you don't actually have to be their teacher to warrant being shouted at enthusiastically, and I just didn't recoginse her with all that make-up on. It is quite scary how a tonne of make-up on a 7-year-old can drastically alter their appearance and boost them up to at least 13.

I'll only put a couple of pics each time as I find if I put more they all get crapmed up the top and it looks a bit silly. Plus, I took 58 pics on this day alone, we ahve a lot of ground to cover.

The second picture is of a bunch of my P1 girls. These it hs to be said are some of my nicest students, funny, enthusiastic, they take their time colouring inside the lines, that kind of thing. They are wearing the school uniform which makes them look like they should be attending some sort of early learner's marine corps and honestly the things they wear on scout day - Thursday -is unbelievable.

Well, I'm pretty much all Loy Krathong'ed out for the moment. I have a fantastic video of my kid doing the singing dancing thing but it won't attach, I'll have to keep trying...

till the next time...

The Proverbial fan...

Well, I bet you didn't think there would be an addition so soon. I didn't think that my last wrods of seeing what tomorrow will bring would indeed yeild some surprises.

Monday we have the day off becuase it is the King's birthday. Consequently it is then also Father's day and ingeniously Mother's day is on the Queen's birthday - see how that works? The school had a little ceremony they have clearly been practicing for for a while, not that we were told when it would be or whether it would affect any of classes, they are considerate like that.

As usual thus, we were in the wrong uniform looking like right clueless dingbats and the ceremonies began whenever anyone chose - there never seems to be a starting time for these thigns they jsut ease into them slowly. TB and I spent a lot of time just sat outside trying to figure out the order of the day with one of Kindergarten periodicllty comping up to us and giving us leaves or placing them into my pockets. She then spent the rest of the morning with me and couldn't really seem to find any of her class members until they showed up 20 mins late for class....so we DO have classes while all of this is going on. I realised I had class when my ever-so-lovely aide poked me in the back and grunted. She then proceeded to dump the kids in the calssroom and bog off. with every day, she just gets that little bit worse. thankfully the other one is a delight and knows what she is supposed to be doing. Anyway, I continued with a shortened and hastened version fo the lesson - one must be prepared to change all plans at the last minute in this job - and TB joined me coz his kids never showed and I was minus an aide. The minute he set foot in the classroom it was deathly silent. Hilarious. they just stared at him. Took them a while tog et used to him and they didn't really do much until he left because they were paralysed with wonder that there would be two whole foreigners in the room! Same applies for when you see them outside school, they jsut stare at you because as far as they are concerned you only exist within the parameters of the English classroom at school.

Anyway, taught lessons, ceremony finished, planned following lessons, had lunch and then at the end of the lunch hour there is a knock at the door.
of course I'm thinking, "who the hell is this disturbing my one and only hour of peace?"
da da da!!!!! the dreaded of all dreads............. a parent! AAARRRGGGGHHH!
With lightning speed my brain scans for any obvious resemblences to any of my kids and finds none, I relax a little, and then she introduces herself as the mother of one of John's kids...yet more sighs of relief. Then she explains why she is here and angry - the father, an American strangely enough decided to support his kid today and attend the father's day ceremony as indeed many other Thai fathers did. We met him. Had a little chat, nice chap by all accounts. Only, he was told that today was not for foreigners and was told to leave the school by one of the Thai teachers.

beep, beep, beep racism alert! Racism alert!

She was undeniably and rightfully furious and decided that she ought to let us know and wanted to know how we felt and explain a few things that she saw going on (Thai English teachers at the school blatantly teaching incorrect English and so on so forth) and that she was very angry and was going to complain to the school and moaned about Thai attitudes, said her kid was always happy with TB's calsses and that she loves Mr Shelton (sighs of relief from across the table) and by the way would we like to come over for Christmas dinner?

Weird. Weird. Weird. I knew we were largely ignored and often wondered why. Maybe I just got a glimpse of it, who knows. Either way someon is in touble becuase I went to do some copying and there were copious amounts of teachers in the room arranged in what looked like a meeting stance talking rather loudly and I heard the word foreigner repeated several times, although bear in mind it could also mean saddle or tulip covered in carob chocolate depending on which tone is used to produce said word.

Must dash....

may the fan ever be whirring...

A typical slice....

Not to disappoint the ever growing fanbase, well, it's gone from like three to eight in the past 5 weeks surely that is better than the average JLo album, I endeavour to 'pen' an entry....

Computer at home now working - clearly pressing the odd button every 20 mins works! however now the internet is out, on the bright side we have been assured that a technician shall be along in 2 days, that was on Sunday but you know, maybe days in Thailand are 48 hrs long. who bloody knows really.

With lack of photographic evidence to hand I shall give you a brief update on what my day was like with the kids today, you may well instantly understand why some days I simply can't face being cyber-humourous coz I jsut don't have it in me anymore.

The day kicked off with my K2 turning up 10 mins early, which may not seem alot but entertaining 18 4 year-olds for an hour is hard let alone an hour and ten, especially when you are not preapred.Anyway, I huffed and puffed at my 'aide' and looked at my watch several times, she spends more time playing on her mobile phone than she does any aiding in any way and proceeded with my "hello, Hello" song (soon to be released with a B side of "goodbye, goodbye it's time to go" song including a leaflet with the actions). During this catchy tune I was wondering what on earth was tickling my arse when I discovered it was one of my Kindergarten ferreting away up there! They have become rather more tactile recently.

Their latest thing: Poking my bum when my back is turned, trying to sneak their pencil into my hand as I walk past in the vague hope that I might do their work for them, sweeping the classroom to find all manner of minute crap to give me ranging from pencil lead to pencil shavings and trying to sneak things in my pocket. All in all though, Kindergatren is mighty entertaining to teach but possibly now more for them than it is for me - got to get that balance back!

Along come my P2 class, not my favourite, and I have recently worked out why. There are 25 boys and 7 girls in this class. Say no more. A brief overview of how that went - one was chucked out during the game towards the end of the class, another was sat aside at a desk facing the wall and one team lost around 200 points. The work eventually was completed though.

P1 are a bunch of cuties is has to be said and I decided that they were due a craft and there are so many for the current topic of food. After about 20 weeks of asking and teaching at this place I have finally been given 10 pairs of scissors which avoids the previous problem of me having to cut everytying out for 30 kids - not that it seems to be any quicker having them do it themselves! all was going rather swimmingly bits of watermelon were being coloured, refrigerators decorated and they were being relatively responsible with the glue, 5 mins before the end of class, shock horror, I hear an almighty crash and raise my head to see a bunch of chilren by desk pointing at each other. They had only gone and broken a glass. The worst thing was they just don't really understand me and couldn't get the concept that you shouldn't really stand on shrds of glass etc. It was a nightmare navigating them out of class, some were ignoring me and trying to pick it up - a shambles basically and my boss had arrived and was waiting to have a meeting with me. ... it never rains it pours...

Needless to say by the time my P3 showed up I wasn't in the best of moods. They were warned, nevertheless I'm helping a kid out with his work, look up and find one of them hurling rubbers at one of the kids. I literally picked him up and deposited him outside with his work. He was a bit shocked. The daft thing is he is hurling rubbers at a kid who is a little, hmm how can I put this 'special'? I don't know what is wrong with her, this is typical of Thailand to ignore it and then it doesn't really exist, of course noone warned me that she might need a little extra help. She has a tendency to shout and scream like a banshee and roll around on the floor, today she had trouble with her pens and kept dropping them on the floor adn it drove her mad and the kdis were laughing at her (main problem) and so she picked up a chair and attacked one of the boys. She has also on numerous occasions made a beeline for a kid with no reason that I can see but suspected that something was said and literally gone for the jugular. Usually though, if I just tell her to sit down she stops and sits down and she has an amazing sense for English, she is one fo the few students I have who actually does the work on their own and tries to be creative. I am constantly telling me kids to stop asking me for the answers and to use their brains. I praised her work the other day and she tapped her temple, said 'brain' and winked at me. She is all there that is for sure!

well, I had better get back to things, who knows what is in store for me tomorrow.

Technical Difficulties

Yet again I find myself reduced to typing this on the school computer as ours is making weird whirring noises and is clearly buggered for the time being. Never fear, TB is on the case, which as far as I can tell involves presing abutton every so often seeing the comp. process stuff for 20 mins and then pressing another button, not that I would ever suggest that the world of computer teachnology is not a fascainating one!

Last week was Loy Krathong and I have some fab photos from it (Thai thanksgiving) however you will just have to wait until the next installment when hopefully all will be fully functional to see them!

As always, plenty enough has been going on that doesn't require photographic representation, I believe my imagery alone will conjure up a fair idea of what is going on....

I also thought it time I explained a few things. My school is called PPM1 (it is just too long to write Praphamontree) this is where TB and I work. The other school where 16 foreign teachers work is PPM2. We teach from K2 - P6.

I teach: TB teaches:
K2 4/5 years old K3 5/6
P1 6/7 P4 9/10
P2 7/8 P5 10/11
p3 8/9 P6 11/12

These ages are only approximate as parents are allowed to enter their children to school at any age they want, so in actual fact they could enter Kindergarten at age 8 if they wanted to which might eplain why I have a kid in my P3 class who is taller than me. Not that that is saying much I know, but still, last I knew I was the average height of a 15 year-old!

As for my kindergarten I am still trying to ween them off stickers. I only dish out two in a class and that is it. They latched on to this pretty quickly and are now trying all the tricks they know to get them out of me. They tend to lurk around my desk and stare at the stickers in the hope that I might randomly hand one out on a whim. They spend a lot of time tugging at my jacket calling me closer and then whispering "sticker" into my ear and a personal favourite the all out ridiculing of each othr's colouring and writing efforts in order to make theirs appear more sticker-worthy. One of them even thinks that he can get away with casually placing his pencil in my hand as I walk past thus getting me to do the work for him and guaranteeing a sticker! Who knows where this is going to end but I have a feeling it won't be any time soon... At least Krittanut has stopped wailing in that class and has rturned to his old disruptive ways, I often find myself wondering which one was better.

It is cold here it has to be said - it is 25C which is I-don't-care Farenheit - I know most of you re dealing with the onset of winter but seeing as I booked flights for TB and I over our rather short xmas break to Shanghai because I was desperate for some cold xmassy weather I am a little concerned. Possibly the fact that I have no winter clothes was an oversight on my part but at least I get to see Mr Pope and I am rather looking forward to seeing teh Chinese idea of Christmas decorations including Father Chrsitmas nailed to a cross.

I had a massage last night which nearly killed me. I finally broke my vow of silence. I often jsut grimace and bear it but blimey or reilly the woman last night was mean! She stood on my arse (something I still can't work out how they do) and then proceeded to wrap my legs around hers and then lean forward and land on my back whilst wrenching my legs into rather an uncomfortable position - does it hurt? is a question I learnt pretty quickly in Thai and yet stubborn pride only allows me to reply "only a little" rather than "Yes woman can't you see you dislocated my hip?" Although it does bode well that should I indeed decide to go ahead and get trained to give Thai massages it could prove a rather useful trade.

The beauty industry here is cheap that is for sure but there are times when I do wonder about quite what I am getting. Of course the massage place I go to is highly professional or painful whichever way you look at it and all things are so cheap it is hard to resist. Most of you are aware i have already been scarred for life by my one and only waxing incident where I was concerned when the woman emerged with a saucepan and a wooden spoon and then proceeded to remove half the skin on my shin. Last week I thought I'd get a facial (about 3 pounds for an hour) which usually runs rather smoothly however this time I found my face being rubbed with a fresh lemon - no idea what it is supposed to do and stinks of course! - and then she took an implement to my face and after it was all over I wasn't the radiant beauty I was hoping for I had lumps the size of red golf balls on my face. I think Beauty mishaps are common but it is hard to resist the temptations of cheap pampering.

Well, I really need to get on with some work. I was actually pleased to receive a phone call from my DOS this morning (usually my blood runs cold when I see the name and I freeze debating whether I should answer or not knowing full well it is bound to be bad news) thankfully today it was to say that I shall not have to go into work ON SUNDAY and do this stupid open day at the other school to which I replied "oh excellent" however he didn't know when it would be, possibly Monday, but he can't get a definite answer on that to which I replied "that's not a surprise".

continue enjoying my misfortunes...

Sticker madness

This is going to be a quick one, I didn't want to fail on my weekly entries. My internet is out at home so I am reduced to diong this surrounded by 30 kids getting a computer lesson. Shame they can't understand anything I am writing about them!

All is relatively well in the land of smiles. I have shot myself in the proverbial teaching foot however by introducing the concept of stickers as a reward to my Kindergarten class - why oh why did I think that was a good idea? TB does in his and they seem relatively ok with it but mine... I just spend the whole hour dealing with this:


"bla bla blee blee bloo bloo sticker, bla bla bla sticker, colour beautiful sticker, writing beautiful sticker bla bla ble ble sticker bloo!"

It's a nightmare. I have now got to condition them into the idea that there are only two stickers issued per class and that is it NO MORE AFTER THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I assumed they wouldn't be too bothered by them because they have stickers with their books which they don't give two hoots about so why suddenly mushroom stickers are the thing to have I simply don't get. That, and the fact that one of them won't stop crying makes for a trying hour. Idon't know what is wrong with him. He used to be a little shit and run around causing havoc and now he is wailing before he even enters the classroom and doesn't stop. It breaks my heart a little (I shall touch upon this weird phenomenon later) because he still does his work he just wails while he is doin it! He refuses stickers (if only they all did this is gonna cost me big time!), I can't bribe him to stop, I can't tickle him or distract him, if I ignoe him he doesn't stop either and the Thai teachers hit him for crying! No points for guessing that method doesn't prove too effective. I was hoping he would have got over it by now but it is already week 3 of this semester. It is actually now just getting annoying.

speaking of Kindergarten, my one hilarious moment last week: I was minding my own business making photocopies when I look out the window and I see one of TB's Kindergarten walking back to class after having been to the bog. I think to myself "oh that one is quite cute" and he proceeds to stick his hand down his pants (the UK type of pants) pull his hand out and sniff it - twice! and jump into class and no doubt give TB a big hug. Minging.

Honestly I don't know what has come over me of late. I have my suspicions it is to do with turning 28 and dread the effect it will have on me as time continues to go by. The other day I found myself pondering the significance of being on the blob and the loss of an egg - what the hell? Clearly, I caught myself and immediately made sure the loo brush was bashed copiously about and the bugger was quite dead. I fear for the balance in the world should I suddenly become all gooey and nice. I promise I shall keep myself in check and alert the relevant people should there be anymore warning signs. Anyway, teaching these little ghouls guarantees that I'm not going to desire one of my own any time soon.

I shall make more of a decent contribution when my internet at home is working again although who know when that could be... plus, I believe you have quite enough food for thought at the moment!

I always want to write one of those really meaningful quotes at the end of these posts and then realise how rubbish I think some of them are when I get some at the end of emails so I shall refrain.