A typical slice....

Not to disappoint the ever growing fanbase, well, it's gone from like three to eight in the past 5 weeks surely that is better than the average JLo album, I endeavour to 'pen' an entry....

Computer at home now working - clearly pressing the odd button every 20 mins works! however now the internet is out, on the bright side we have been assured that a technician shall be along in 2 days, that was on Sunday but you know, maybe days in Thailand are 48 hrs long. who bloody knows really.

With lack of photographic evidence to hand I shall give you a brief update on what my day was like with the kids today, you may well instantly understand why some days I simply can't face being cyber-humourous coz I jsut don't have it in me anymore.

The day kicked off with my K2 turning up 10 mins early, which may not seem alot but entertaining 18 4 year-olds for an hour is hard let alone an hour and ten, especially when you are not preapred.Anyway, I huffed and puffed at my 'aide' and looked at my watch several times, she spends more time playing on her mobile phone than she does any aiding in any way and proceeded with my "hello, Hello" song (soon to be released with a B side of "goodbye, goodbye it's time to go" song including a leaflet with the actions). During this catchy tune I was wondering what on earth was tickling my arse when I discovered it was one of my Kindergarten ferreting away up there! They have become rather more tactile recently.

Their latest thing: Poking my bum when my back is turned, trying to sneak their pencil into my hand as I walk past in the vague hope that I might do their work for them, sweeping the classroom to find all manner of minute crap to give me ranging from pencil lead to pencil shavings and trying to sneak things in my pocket. All in all though, Kindergatren is mighty entertaining to teach but possibly now more for them than it is for me - got to get that balance back!

Along come my P2 class, not my favourite, and I have recently worked out why. There are 25 boys and 7 girls in this class. Say no more. A brief overview of how that went - one was chucked out during the game towards the end of the class, another was sat aside at a desk facing the wall and one team lost around 200 points. The work eventually was completed though.

P1 are a bunch of cuties is has to be said and I decided that they were due a craft and there are so many for the current topic of food. After about 20 weeks of asking and teaching at this place I have finally been given 10 pairs of scissors which avoids the previous problem of me having to cut everytying out for 30 kids - not that it seems to be any quicker having them do it themselves! all was going rather swimmingly bits of watermelon were being coloured, refrigerators decorated and they were being relatively responsible with the glue, 5 mins before the end of class, shock horror, I hear an almighty crash and raise my head to see a bunch of chilren by desk pointing at each other. They had only gone and broken a glass. The worst thing was they just don't really understand me and couldn't get the concept that you shouldn't really stand on shrds of glass etc. It was a nightmare navigating them out of class, some were ignoring me and trying to pick it up - a shambles basically and my boss had arrived and was waiting to have a meeting with me. ... it never rains it pours...

Needless to say by the time my P3 showed up I wasn't in the best of moods. They were warned, nevertheless I'm helping a kid out with his work, look up and find one of them hurling rubbers at one of the kids. I literally picked him up and deposited him outside with his work. He was a bit shocked. The daft thing is he is hurling rubbers at a kid who is a little, hmm how can I put this 'special'? I don't know what is wrong with her, this is typical of Thailand to ignore it and then it doesn't really exist, of course noone warned me that she might need a little extra help. She has a tendency to shout and scream like a banshee and roll around on the floor, today she had trouble with her pens and kept dropping them on the floor adn it drove her mad and the kdis were laughing at her (main problem) and so she picked up a chair and attacked one of the boys. She has also on numerous occasions made a beeline for a kid with no reason that I can see but suspected that something was said and literally gone for the jugular. Usually though, if I just tell her to sit down she stops and sits down and she has an amazing sense for English, she is one fo the few students I have who actually does the work on their own and tries to be creative. I am constantly telling me kids to stop asking me for the answers and to use their brains. I praised her work the other day and she tapped her temple, said 'brain' and winked at me. She is all there that is for sure!

well, I had better get back to things, who knows what is in store for me tomorrow.

Technical Difficulties

Yet again I find myself reduced to typing this on the school computer as ours is making weird whirring noises and is clearly buggered for the time being. Never fear, TB is on the case, which as far as I can tell involves presing abutton every so often seeing the comp. process stuff for 20 mins and then pressing another button, not that I would ever suggest that the world of computer teachnology is not a fascainating one!

Last week was Loy Krathong and I have some fab photos from it (Thai thanksgiving) however you will just have to wait until the next installment when hopefully all will be fully functional to see them!

As always, plenty enough has been going on that doesn't require photographic representation, I believe my imagery alone will conjure up a fair idea of what is going on....

I also thought it time I explained a few things. My school is called PPM1 (it is just too long to write Praphamontree) this is where TB and I work. The other school where 16 foreign teachers work is PPM2. We teach from K2 - P6.

I teach: TB teaches:
K2 4/5 years old K3 5/6
P1 6/7 P4 9/10
P2 7/8 P5 10/11
p3 8/9 P6 11/12

These ages are only approximate as parents are allowed to enter their children to school at any age they want, so in actual fact they could enter Kindergarten at age 8 if they wanted to which might eplain why I have a kid in my P3 class who is taller than me. Not that that is saying much I know, but still, last I knew I was the average height of a 15 year-old!

As for my kindergarten I am still trying to ween them off stickers. I only dish out two in a class and that is it. They latched on to this pretty quickly and are now trying all the tricks they know to get them out of me. They tend to lurk around my desk and stare at the stickers in the hope that I might randomly hand one out on a whim. They spend a lot of time tugging at my jacket calling me closer and then whispering "sticker" into my ear and a personal favourite the all out ridiculing of each othr's colouring and writing efforts in order to make theirs appear more sticker-worthy. One of them even thinks that he can get away with casually placing his pencil in my hand as I walk past thus getting me to do the work for him and guaranteeing a sticker! Who knows where this is going to end but I have a feeling it won't be any time soon... At least Krittanut has stopped wailing in that class and has rturned to his old disruptive ways, I often find myself wondering which one was better.

It is cold here it has to be said - it is 25C which is I-don't-care Farenheit - I know most of you re dealing with the onset of winter but seeing as I booked flights for TB and I over our rather short xmas break to Shanghai because I was desperate for some cold xmassy weather I am a little concerned. Possibly the fact that I have no winter clothes was an oversight on my part but at least I get to see Mr Pope and I am rather looking forward to seeing teh Chinese idea of Christmas decorations including Father Chrsitmas nailed to a cross.

I had a massage last night which nearly killed me. I finally broke my vow of silence. I often jsut grimace and bear it but blimey or reilly the woman last night was mean! She stood on my arse (something I still can't work out how they do) and then proceeded to wrap my legs around hers and then lean forward and land on my back whilst wrenching my legs into rather an uncomfortable position - does it hurt? is a question I learnt pretty quickly in Thai and yet stubborn pride only allows me to reply "only a little" rather than "Yes woman can't you see you dislocated my hip?" Although it does bode well that should I indeed decide to go ahead and get trained to give Thai massages it could prove a rather useful trade.

The beauty industry here is cheap that is for sure but there are times when I do wonder about quite what I am getting. Of course the massage place I go to is highly professional or painful whichever way you look at it and all things are so cheap it is hard to resist. Most of you are aware i have already been scarred for life by my one and only waxing incident where I was concerned when the woman emerged with a saucepan and a wooden spoon and then proceeded to remove half the skin on my shin. Last week I thought I'd get a facial (about 3 pounds for an hour) which usually runs rather smoothly however this time I found my face being rubbed with a fresh lemon - no idea what it is supposed to do and stinks of course! - and then she took an implement to my face and after it was all over I wasn't the radiant beauty I was hoping for I had lumps the size of red golf balls on my face. I think Beauty mishaps are common but it is hard to resist the temptations of cheap pampering.

Well, I really need to get on with some work. I was actually pleased to receive a phone call from my DOS this morning (usually my blood runs cold when I see the name and I freeze debating whether I should answer or not knowing full well it is bound to be bad news) thankfully today it was to say that I shall not have to go into work ON SUNDAY and do this stupid open day at the other school to which I replied "oh excellent" however he didn't know when it would be, possibly Monday, but he can't get a definite answer on that to which I replied "that's not a surprise".

continue enjoying my misfortunes...

Sticker madness

This is going to be a quick one, I didn't want to fail on my weekly entries. My internet is out at home so I am reduced to diong this surrounded by 30 kids getting a computer lesson. Shame they can't understand anything I am writing about them!

All is relatively well in the land of smiles. I have shot myself in the proverbial teaching foot however by introducing the concept of stickers as a reward to my Kindergarten class - why oh why did I think that was a good idea? TB does in his and they seem relatively ok with it but mine... I just spend the whole hour dealing with this:


"bla bla blee blee bloo bloo sticker, bla bla bla sticker, colour beautiful sticker, writing beautiful sticker bla bla ble ble sticker bloo!"

It's a nightmare. I have now got to condition them into the idea that there are only two stickers issued per class and that is it NO MORE AFTER THAT I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY! I assumed they wouldn't be too bothered by them because they have stickers with their books which they don't give two hoots about so why suddenly mushroom stickers are the thing to have I simply don't get. That, and the fact that one of them won't stop crying makes for a trying hour. Idon't know what is wrong with him. He used to be a little shit and run around causing havoc and now he is wailing before he even enters the classroom and doesn't stop. It breaks my heart a little (I shall touch upon this weird phenomenon later) because he still does his work he just wails while he is doin it! He refuses stickers (if only they all did this is gonna cost me big time!), I can't bribe him to stop, I can't tickle him or distract him, if I ignoe him he doesn't stop either and the Thai teachers hit him for crying! No points for guessing that method doesn't prove too effective. I was hoping he would have got over it by now but it is already week 3 of this semester. It is actually now just getting annoying.

speaking of Kindergarten, my one hilarious moment last week: I was minding my own business making photocopies when I look out the window and I see one of TB's Kindergarten walking back to class after having been to the bog. I think to myself "oh that one is quite cute" and he proceeds to stick his hand down his pants (the UK type of pants) pull his hand out and sniff it - twice! and jump into class and no doubt give TB a big hug. Minging.

Honestly I don't know what has come over me of late. I have my suspicions it is to do with turning 28 and dread the effect it will have on me as time continues to go by. The other day I found myself pondering the significance of being on the blob and the loss of an egg - what the hell? Clearly, I caught myself and immediately made sure the loo brush was bashed copiously about and the bugger was quite dead. I fear for the balance in the world should I suddenly become all gooey and nice. I promise I shall keep myself in check and alert the relevant people should there be anymore warning signs. Anyway, teaching these little ghouls guarantees that I'm not going to desire one of my own any time soon.

I shall make more of a decent contribution when my internet at home is working again although who know when that could be... plus, I believe you have quite enough food for thought at the moment!

I always want to write one of those really meaningful quotes at the end of these posts and then realise how rubbish I think some of them are when I get some at the end of emails so I shall refrain.

goody two shoes

I'm quite impressed that I have managed to find myself writing a new post one week after I started. This is a good sign. The pic, if you haven't already guessed, is of my fantabulous school uniform which I must don four times a week. There are two combos of this delectable style, the other being in baby blue with a cream shirt. Although, the shirts are so versatile that they can be worn with both shades of blue to create the appearance that in actual fact you are wearing a different unifrom every day of the week, isn't that just great? And of course the school logo is emblazoned across my heart...ahh. I can hear rounds of excited applause across the globe - ooh what a lovely tremor. Oh and on Wednesdays Thai traditional dress is worn. Indeed, I was fitted for the uniform and it was tailor made - two sizes too big because Thais are convinced that foreigners are fat and even when confronted with the naked truth that we aren't that big, they just give you a bigger size in order to satisfy their beliefs. Nice. What does TB wear I hear you ask? The same thing but with trousers and no shirt. Now, it isn't a bad thing, all teachers wear it and it helps the children see us as being on the same level as Thai teachers (although I fear that little psychological trick wore off a long time ago) but it is made of the weirdest material I have ever come across. Were it cotton - the sensible option for a climate such as this, it is the cool season and it only just dipped to 29C/5678F - then it would be fine, alas this is not the case. I have given up wearing the shirt and bought my own as it makes me smell like a Camembert that has been left in a greenhouse for 5 days. Clearly, what one would be doing eating a Camembert in a greenhouse is questionable but it is the nasal imagery here which is important.
The first week of school went swimmingly. The kids showed up true to form on Tuesday and one proceeded to puke in my class. Nothing like the retchings of a 7-year-old to put you off your lunch. I thought she was having snot troubles as she was rubbing her nose so much I told her to grab some bog roll from my desk - a necessary accoutrement for so many reasons - and she proceeded to sbionk in my bin. I had to momentarily neglect 28 other students (never a good idea, they've discovered I'd rather make a plaster out of a piece of tissue and sellotape than drag them to the nurse and leave them unattended) and take her to the nurse, who is never there or asleep on the bed. Surprisingly nothing was broken or drawn upon in my 2 inute absence from class, possibly at first.
I have a couple of new students most of whom can actually string a sentence together which is a breath of fresh air and I've discovered that my meanie "Nutty clearly struggles in English and has made little progress this semester" reports have made a difference and most of the worst students have not returned. Unfortunately the worst at English are not always my least favourite pupils. Interestingly, I have a battle of the goody-two-shoes in my P3. Last semester I had one kid who has a British father and so spent his time thus:
"Miss Hardcastle, Miss Hardcastle, shall I write the names of all the students who are talking in class on the board so I can report them later"
Me, struggling to explain something to a kid "if you've finished your work of course you can"

two minutes later...

"Miss Hardcastle, Miss Hardcastle, does it count if they are playing with their hair?"

Me: No, I don't think so as long as they aren't being disruptive.

two minutes later...

"Miss Hardcastle, Miss Hardcastle, does it count if they are sharpening their pencils instead of working?"

Me: No, just if they are talking.

and the list goes on...you get the picture.

That was when there was just one...now there are two! I am mildly concerned although there doesn't appear to be any squabbling for attention just yet but I'm interested to see how it will pan out. They wanted to be on the same team in class, I said no - they really do think you are stupid sometimes! Speaking of competition, it is weird how the different ages react to it. They all get excited about team games, but for example my P1 class help members of the other team and don't notice when I blatently award unecessary points to a team who is miles behind. However, my P2 wouldn't dream of helping each other and get quite pissy if mumble a letter to help a kid who is trying to spell a word on the board and with my P3s it is all out war. They check the score boards as they come in and leave and get V. excited when the leader is announced at the end of class. My kindergarten of course don't really seem bothered at all with the notion of competition.

Ah, my kindergarten, the best behaved and loveliest clas of them all. They just go through "how can I mess with my teacher fads" and find the daftest things hilarious. This week the latest thing is that anything they have in their hands that I am collecting they hold on to when they give it to me so I have to tug at it. This generates a huge amount of giggles. With speaking, we have moved from speaking in funny voices, now they like to simply combine stuff. Every day I ask them how they are and now I get "happysad" or "angrytired" followed again by raucous fits of laughter. Who knows what I will have to deal with next week.

Oh, latest Thai kids obsession: pencil cases that have a string that you pull and it spins a weird thing in the pencil case which makes lots of noise. I think I shall be confiscating a fair few this week....

anyway, dinner time, enough of my ramblings.

take care allxx